This is Maria van Dÿk's thoughts about some current hot topics:
|Is a hotdog a sandwich?||Yes|
|What is the question?||or not to be|
|Who will win the 2004 US presidential election?||George W. Bush|
|Have smartphones destroyed an entire generation?||Yes|
Maria van Dÿk is a 39 years old not-at-all hairy matled howler, who has 10 years experience in the drunk monkey consulting business. Before that, they spent 7 years as a sideshow monkey for a traveling street organ artist. van Dÿk's favorite drink is mimosa, preferably enjoyed in large quantities in the morning.
van Dÿk wears size x-grande hats and likes to play accordion. van Dÿk habitually throws feces 7 (metric) meters and has an Excel proficiency of 10 (on a scale). van Dÿk types at 40 words per minute, and their favorite key is M.
Maria is born Bruneian, and now lives in England with their partner of 5 years, Harambe van Dÿk, and the constantly fighting couple's one child. van Dÿk can accelerate from zero to 100 in 11 seconds, and knows 26 digits of pi by heart.
van Dÿk's Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) is INFP, which most clearly manifests in Maria having blood type O+, and being a capricorn and dog person. van Dÿk prefers the underside of the bed. van Dÿk's favorite Spice Girl is Posh Spice, and their favorite album is Greatest Hits: My Prerogative. van Dÿk suffers from a mild cyberphobia.